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The Rules (for girls & some guys)

Posted by: fff In: Blogs

Rule #1 - Boys are trouble. (see fig. 1A)

Rule #2 - Boys just want to get in your pants.

Rule #3 - No matter how sweet, smart, thoughtful, funny, cute, rich, or nice he is; see Rule #1 and especially Rule #2.

FIG 1A. (different sizes/intentions, same trouble-o-metry)

now you know, fff

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36Comments2006-03-05+14%3A13%3A04fff to “The Rules (for girls & some guys)”

wldangl2
March 8th, 2006 at 9:54 am
Someone got dumped today :( sorry….
Brother
March 8th, 2006 at 10:04 am
That was weak… it wasn’t even funny.
#Jon
March 8th, 2006 at 10:08 am
True.
Aerolirian
March 8th, 2006 at 10:17 am
YOU FOOL!! DO YOU REALIZE WHAT YOU HAVE DONE?!?
All males reading this, Plan Pu-Tang is go.
Repeat, Plan Pu-Tang is go!
mary ramirez
March 8th, 2006 at 10:23 am
the rules are so true
Matthew F
March 8th, 2006 at 10:49 am
Bullsh*t!
matt
March 8th, 2006 at 10:54 am
Soooooooo true
lol
March 8th, 2006 at 11:03 am
omg lol..
crazy
March 8th, 2006 at 11:07 am
Boy, your one angry dad.
did some guy bone your daughter last night?
remieres
March 8th, 2006 at 11:18 am
Im sorry. What! What! What!

This is pure Garbage and im ticked off at this way of thinking. Being a guy I dont think of that every time I meet a guy. But I dont think of what shoe’s she will look good in either. not all 3,000,000,001 Men on the planet think this throughout their encounter with a girl. And girls who do need to get their Self Security issues fixed and meet a decent guy.
PC Chef
March 8th, 2006 at 11:33 am
Honestly what kind of shit is this, there ARE nice guys in the world, some like the cock you know :)
You suck
March 8th, 2006 at 11:35 am
That’s the worst thing I’ve ever seen, if it was supposed to be funny, you failed miserably.

What a pointless article, with even more pointless pictures to accompany.

Seriously, whoever wrote this, you need some lessons in how to be funny.
Young Sage
March 8th, 2006 at 11:58 am
True, very true, but then, it’s our biological job, and most of us don’t think of it that way. Sometimes we are interested in the girl herself(to the best of our knowledge :))
ntstlkr
March 8th, 2006 at 12:14 pm
Rules of dating a Soldier’s daughter (should be for all fathers)

Rule One:
If you pull into my driveway and honk you’d better be delivering a package, because you’re sure not picking anything up.

Rule Two:
You do not touch my daughter in front of me. You may glance at her, so long as you do not peer at anything below her neck. If you cannot keep your eyes or hands off of my daughter’s body, I will remove them.

Rule Three:
I am aware that it is considered fashionable for boys of your age to wear their trousers so loosely that they appear to be falling off their hips. Please don’t take this as an insult, but you and all of your friends are complete idiots. Still, I want to be fair and open minded about this issue, so I propose his compromise: You may come to the door with your underwear showing and your pants ten sizes too big, and I will not object. However, in order to ensure that your clothes do not, in fact, come off during the course of your date with my daughter, I will take my electric nail gun and fasten your trousers securely in place to your waist.

Rule Four:
I’m sure you’ve been told that in today’s world, sex without utilizing a “barrier method” of some kind can kill you. Let me elaborate, when it comes to sex, I am the barrier, and I will kill you.

Rule Five:
It is usually understood that in order for us to get to know each other, we should talk about sports, politics, and other issues of the day. Please do not do this. The only information I require from you is an indication of when you expect to have my daughter safely back at my house, and the only word I need from you on this subject is “early.”

Rule Six:
I have no doubt you are a popular fellow, with many opportunities to date other girls. This is fine with me as long as it is okay with my daughter. Otherwise, once you have gone out with my little girl, you will continue to date no one but her until she is finished with you. If you make her cry, I will make you cry.

Rule Seven:
As you stand in my front hallway, waiting for my daughter to appear, and more than an hour goes by, do not sigh and fidget. If you want to be on time for the movie, you should not be dating. My daughter is putting on her makeup, a process that can take longer than painting the Golden Gate Bridge. Instead of just standing there, why don’t you do something useful, like changing the oil in my car?

Rule Eight:
The following places are not appropriate for a date with my daughter: Places where there are beds, sofas, or anything softer than a wooden stool. Places where there are no parents, policemen, or nuns within eyesight. Places where there is darkness. Places where there is dancing, holding hands, or happiness. Places where the ambient temperature is warm enough to induce my daughter to wear shorts, tank tops, midriff T-shirts, or anything other than overalls, a sweater, and a goose down parka - zipped up to her throat. Movies with a strong romantic or sexual theme are to be avoided; movies which features chain saws are okay. Hockey games are okay. Old folks homes are better.

Rule Nine:
Do not lie to me. On issues relating to my daughter, I am the all-knowing, merciless god of your universe. If I ask you where you are going and with whom, you have one chance to tell me the truth, the whole truth and nothing but the truth. I have an M24 (Rem 700 Sniper Rifle), a shovel, and five acres behind the house. Do not trifle with me.

Rule Ten:
Be afraid. Be very afraid. It takes very little for me to mistake the sound of your car in the driveway for a chopper coming in over a wadi near Mosul. When my Gulf War Syndrome starts acting up, the voices in my head frequently tell me to clean the guns as I wait for you to bring my daughter home. As soon as you pull into the driveway you should exit your car with both hands in plain sight. Speak the perimeter password, announce in a clear voice that you have brought my daughter home safely and early, then return to your car - there is no need for you to come inside. The camouflaged face at the window is mine.
dom
March 8th, 2006 at 12:29 pm
Of course this is true. The ‘trouble’ rule goes for chicks too, but hell yes #2 and #3 are true. If you say its not when compared to yourself, then ur biology is F-ed. Its called nature, son.
wldangl2
March 8th, 2006 at 12:54 pm
Someone got dumped today :( sorry….
Brother
March 8th, 2006 at 1:04 pm
That was weak… it wasn’t even funny.
#Jon
March 8th, 2006 at 1:08 pm
True.
Sammy
March 8th, 2006 at 1:09 pm
Lets get this straight. I am a woman and I have to agree with a majority of the comments here. This is bullshit. I’m tired of constantly hearing that boys are trouble, boys are bad, boys only want sex. My dad used to say that shit, but he was really just trying to comfort himself and deny the fact that his little girl wanted sex just as much as any man might.
“Oh my my daughter cant want sex she’s just a little girl! She is so innocent! It’s that bad boy trying to get into her pants! Oh that bad boy. I know what all boys want because I was a boy! We want sex! OMG Sick.”

Nevermind that sex is a part of human nature, oh no. Ignore the fact that human beings in general are sheep.

There are good and bad people of all sexes and races, and personally I’ve met more manipulative, slutty women than shallow, sex crazed guys - but thats just my personal experience and opinion.

Stop trying to generalize all men. Even if this was just for a laugh, it isn’t funny. Supporting discimination of any kind, be it against man, woman, black or white, is still discrimination.

I’m not even with a guy right now, and, as a human being, I still find this offensive.
Aerolirian
March 8th, 2006 at 1:17 pm
YOU FOOL!! DO YOU REALIZE WHAT YOU HAVE DONE?!?
All males reading this, Plan Pu-Tang is go.
Repeat, Plan Pu-Tang is go!
mary ramirez
March 8th, 2006 at 1:23 pm
the rules are so true
Matthew F
March 8th, 2006 at 1:49 pm
Bullsh*t!
matt
March 8th, 2006 at 1:54 pm
Soooooooo true
crazy
March 8th, 2006 at 2:07 pm
Boy, your one angry dad.
did some guy bone your daughter last night?
PC Chef
March 8th, 2006 at 2:33 pm
Honestly what kind of shit is this, there ARE nice guys in the world, some like the cock you know :)
You suck
March 8th, 2006 at 2:35 pm
That’s the worst thing I’ve ever seen, if it was supposed to be funny, you failed miserably.

What a pointless article, with even more pointless pictures to accompany.

Seriously, whoever wrote this, you need some lessons in how to be funny.
Ant
March 8th, 2006 at 2:55 pm
I Think its funny… its a joke… something to laugh at then move on.
ntstlkr
March 8th, 2006 at 2:56 pm
I agree with ntstlkr’s comment. Yes, I may only be 16, but I like his 10 rules. Some may be over doing it a bit but most of them are fair and I know I’ll be doing the same with my daughter.
Young Sage
March 8th, 2006 at 2:58 pm
True, very true, but then, it’s our biological job, and most of us don’t think of it that way. Sometimes we are interested in the girl herself(to the best of our knowledge :))
dom
March 8th, 2006 at 3:29 pm
Of course this is true. The ‘trouble’ rule goes for chicks too, but hell yes #2 and #3 are true. If you say its not when compared to yourself, then ur biology is F-ed. Its called nature, son.
Sammy
March 8th, 2006 at 4:11 pm
“ntstlkr” agree’s with “ntstlkr’s” comment? Sounds like tripe to me. He’s pretending to be two different people in an attempt to justify that load of bull he shat out earlier. I’ve had enough of these archaic ‘rules.’

Stop generalizing people. Stop assuming that every man is like you. You were all about sex when you were young? You just wanted to get into a womans pants? Big deal. Not every guy is about that, I’m sure. We all want sex, no doubt. That doesnt mean that all human beings are brainless abusive skanks.
You know, we women aren’t innocent little creatures with terribly fragile hearts, either. Some of us are, some of us aren’t, and some of us are sluts who use and abuse men for sex, money, you name it. Just because the media passes off the guy as the bad guy and the woman as the innocent little princess, doesn’t mean that it’s true. Chances are your sons and daughters will just take after you, so you better be careful. They might just end up as self righteous and judgemental as you are.
visi
March 8th, 2006 at 4:26 pm
girls are really horny too, its not allways our fault
jethro
March 8th, 2006 at 4:27 pm
well women only want to get into your pants — for your wallet.

if it wasn’t for sex i’d never bother talking to women! and if it weren’t for our sex drives there’d be no humanity. which means no fashion! oh my god!
Ant
March 8th, 2006 at 5:55 pm
I Think its funny… its a joke… something to laugh at then move on.
ntstlkr
March 8th, 2006 at 5:56 pm
I agree with ntstlkr’s comment. Yes, I may only be 16, but I like his 10 rules. Some may be over doing it a bit but most of them are fair and I know I’ll be doing the same with my daughter.
Apex Blue
March 8th, 2006 at 6:15 pm
More then likly, all of the poeple who posted negative comments are the kind of guys that these rules apply to. Some people are just pissed off all of the time and I can’t stand it when they voice that on a comment section
grimmwerks
March 8th, 2006 at 6:26 pm
Um…i think the second groups of guys really have no interest in women….given that they’re nestling their marble bags betwixt the buttocks of the guy in front of them.
Thundercatz
March 8th, 2006 at 6:45 pm
This is uncool and unfair to some guys, I do admit the majority of them are perverts BUT it dosen’t mean all guys are.
Sammy
March 8th, 2006 at 7:11 pm
“ntstlkr” agree’s with “ntstlkr’s” comment? Sounds like tripe to me. He’s pretending to be two different people in an attempt to justify that load of bull he shat out earlier. I’ve had enough of these archaic ‘rules.’

Stop generalizing people. Stop assuming that every man is like you. You were all about sex when you were young? You just wanted to get into a womans pants? Big deal. Not every guy is about that, I’m sure. We all want sex, no doubt. That doesnt mean that all human beings are brainless abusive skanks.
You know, we women aren’t innocent little creatures with terribly fragile hearts, either. Some of us are, some of us aren’t, and some of us are sluts who use and abuse men for sex, money, you name it. Just because the media passes off the guy as the bad guy and the woman as the innocent little princess, doesn’t mean that it’s true. Chances are your sons and daughters will just take after you, so you better be careful. They might just end up as self righteous and judgemental as you are.
Martini
March 8th, 2006 at 7:16 pm
This is f*ng bull$h!t.

Alright, how about the guys that haven’t EVER had a girlfriend. How about the guys that have never held hands with a girl, much less kissed a girl other than his mom or sister? How about that f*ing hopeless romantic that’s been too afraid to go after a girl unless he’s 100% sure that the girl is going after him.

Yeah, I’m that f*ing loser, but atleast I realize that this is all sexist American stereotype bullshit. I’m going on 17 and would f*ing die to have a girl even hint to wanting me. Any father that tries to pretend that I would have mischievious plans with his daughter would probably end up with my shoe up his @$$ or a gun at his face.

Oh yeah, who wants my myspace? Haha.
visi
March 8th, 2006 at 7:26 pm
girls are really horny too, its not allways our fault
jethro
March 8th, 2006 at 7:27 pm
well women only want to get into your pants — for your wallet.

if it wasn’t for sex i’d never bother talking to women! and if it weren’t for our sex drives there’d be no humanity. which means no fashion! oh my god!
Apex Blue
March 8th, 2006 at 9:15 pm
More then likly, all of the poeple who posted negative comments are the kind of guys that these rules apply to. Some people are just pissed off all of the time and I can’t stand it when they voice that on a comment section
grimmwerks
March 8th, 2006 at 9:26 pm
Um…i think the second groups of guys really have no interest in women….given that they’re nestling their marble bags betwixt the buttocks of the guy in front of them.
Thundercatz
March 8th, 2006 at 9:45 pm
This is uncool and unfair to some guys, I do admit the majority of them are perverts BUT it dosen’t mean all guys are.
Martini
March 8th, 2006 at 10:16 pm
This is f*ng bull$h!t.

Alright, how about the guys that haven\’t EVER had a girlfriend. How about the guys that have never held hands with a girl, much less kissed a girl other than his mom or sister? How about that f*ing hopeless romantic that\’s been too afraid to go after a girl unless he\’s 100% sure that the girl is going after him.

Yeah, I\’m that f*ing loser, but atleast I realize that this is all sexist American stereotype bullshit. I\’m going on 17 and would f*ing die to have a girl even hint to wanting me. Any father that tries to pretend that I would have mischievious plans with his daughter would probably end up with my shoe up his @$$ or a gun at his face.

Oh yeah, who wants my myspace? Haha.
Mikey
March 9th, 2006 at 3:50 am
There’s only one rule for dating my daughter:

If she sees your penis, I’ll cut it off.
Matt
March 9th, 2006 at 6:11 am
If women dind’t want to be laid they wouldn’t wear revealing/provokative clothing. They like to look pretty for the men and likewise, and unless all men ‘RAPE’ then women have an equal ‘want’ for sex. There needs to be just as many women as guys for either to have sex! DUH! Outright discrimination is what I say.
Jan Paricka
March 9th, 2006 at 6:14 am
I found it very funny, actually. It definitely made up my day. Great work! ;o)
RCbAnGeL
March 9th, 2006 at 6:43 am
I dont think those rules apply to anyone with a brain.
I
March 9th, 2006 at 7:58 am
errr………..DONT LET ONE BAD APPLE SPOIL THE REST
Jeff
March 9th, 2006 at 10:18 am
I am a guy myself and I’m personally suprised by all the comments on this website. I think for the most part this article is true, BUT its not like we want women for JUST their pants. I think the major downfall is that they portray men as ‘trouble’ because we want sex. So we want sex… big deal? Don’t go out and dump your boyfriend over a stupid article.
rockstar
March 9th, 2006 at 4:14 pm
I am a guy and this is totally true
Davak
March 9th, 2006 at 6:56 pm
FFF - Big props to you just for getting all of these guys/girls to twist themselves into knots.
rockstar
March 9th, 2006 at 7:14 pm
I am a guy and this is totally true
Davak
March 9th, 2006 at 9:56 pm
FFF - Big props to you just for getting all of these guys/girls to twist themselves into knots.
Dan
March 11th, 2006 at 11:52 am
:sigh:

Wow.
Okay I’m a guy, I have had girlfriends before, and I’m currently in one. She doesn’t go to my school or anything like that, so we mostly just hang out in public and stuff (we haven’t been dating for too long). I’m not just trying to have sex with her, I’m that “nice” guy who takes things “slow.”

The only time a guy will just try and have sex with a chick is when she is a complete whore. There’s always exceptions to every rule, I’m one of them.
Derek Rhode
March 11th, 2006 at 6:43 pm
Well im waiting till im married so rule 3 doesnt really apply that much.
Maikel
March 12th, 2006 at 7:14 pm
this really stinks, why does everybody allways think that man are out for sex, i\’m a man, and i say this is the biggest load of crap i\’ve seen since discrimations began, although this discrimination, but still,m it\’s bullsjit, i have a girlfriend, and we do have sex, that does\’nt mean i\’m allways the one that\’s the whole process… i think boys and girls are equaly horny. so stop this f*ing crap… there are more f*ing whores by the way that make there money with sex and f*ing like it aswell..
bud golke
June 28th, 2006 at 9:14 am
Sammy,
I think I want you. What is your phone number? My intentions are pure. Pure as you. Ha ha.
bud golke
June 28th, 2006 at 11:07 am
Be a dike, then. Women are sluts-join the club. Don’t be left out.
bud golke
June 28th, 2006 at 11:10 am
Mikey,

You’d cut my penis off because you don’t have one. Oh sorry, it’s someone elses and it’s in your mouth.