Top 7 Ways to NOT Kill Yourself or Yourkids

Posted by: fff In: Culture

#1 - DON”T TRY TO KILL YOURSELF. #2 - IF YOU WANT TO, SEE RULE #1.

(Disclaimer - suicide is wicked terrible, destroys families/lives, please tell someone if you’re having these feelings/thoughts, our condolences to any families currently dealing or having dealt with this.)

[Rant on]

PEOPLE!!!

1. Don’t swallow everything in your medicine cabinet cause your momma won’t let you go to the skating rink!!!

2. Don’t go crash your car, jump off a building, or shoot yourself in the head - odds are you’ll survive, in a vegetative state (Look! She follows the balloon! …right), but technically “alive.” And…it makes one hell of a mess!

3. Don ‘t slit your wrists cause your grit-stache boyfriend missed your one month “going steady” anniversary!!! see image - Grit Stache. I promise, it’s not the end of the world. Waking up in the morning with this guy ten years from now…is.

4. Don’t close your garage door, crank the car, and checkout with exhaust fumes. If you have a car, gas in the tank, and a nice enough house that it actually has a garage…that’s just downright ungrateful.

5. Don’t try to hang yourself. Period.

6. Oh and martyrs…suicidal car bombs involve YOU BLOWING UP!!! (idiots) and don’t try to blame God. He helped the guys come up with DANGER! EXPLOSIVE! sticker. see image - Warning!

7. Judas Priest, Ozzy Osbourne, God, and/or the Devil are NOT telling you to kill yourself or yourneighbors.

Hey Momma/Daddy…

1. Don’t have sex with your children. Plain and simple. Years of therapy won’t fix this.

2. Don’t throw your children up against a wall, leave them in the car while you go to work, shake, choke, stab, beat, shoot, smother, drown, starve, burn, ignore, or otherwise neglect them.

3. Just because you don’t want your kids to drink, smoke, have sex, do drugs, disrespect their elders; doesn’t mean that these things don’t exist. If you haven’t had any of “the talks” yet, then Jr.’s probably hammered, high, & making out with some cheerleader (or some guy) in the back of yourcar. It’s never too early establish lines of communication with yourkids.

4. FYI…Ritalin doesn’t make your kids behave - discipline/consistency/boundaries do. My mawmaw’s maid had a small black leather strap in her purse. We didn’t act up…we knew it was there and that she wasn’t scared of us.

5. Your children are not yourfriends!!! They may be all you have, but you begat them. Run yourhouse!!!

6. Don’t have your kids committed to a hospital/mental institution because they have behavior problems!!!! Bad behavior kids in psych wards = now your kid has a real problem (with you).

7. Judas Priest, Ozzy Osbourne, God, and/or the Devil are NOT telling you to kill yourkids.

[Rant off - cleansing breath in...]

peace, fff